I’m essentially a yo-yo

And no, it’s not because I am round. And out of shape.

Round IS A SHAPE! Ha. Take that.

It’s because my weight hasn’t ever really been stable. Why am I talking about this if my blog is supposed to be about home decor, etc.? Because technically my blog is titled Monica Wants It. In this case “it” is health/skinny/single digit sized jeans.

I’ve always been the fat/chunky kid. No boyfriends. Always the friend of the pretty, popular girl, but never THE pretty, popular girl. That really didn’t change until my senior year/August of 2002 when I joined Weight Watchers. Between August and January, I lost FORTY pounds. This was under their old plan where you had a range of points, and if you ate under the maximum you “banked” them (up to 10) and used them some other day. I truly lost more weight on THAT plan as opposed to their new flex point/momentum plan. But I digress. I lost those forty pounds by following their program exactly and by doing Walk Away the Pounds and Richard Simmons 4-6 times a week. Then between January and May, I lost another 10-15 ish pounds for a grand total of 65 pounds in NINE months. NINE. 9.

I did all this for a guy. He knows who he is, and even when I got skinny he didn’t give me the time of day. Poo on you. Not that I am still bitter or anything. So my therapist says.

Anyway.

Then I went to college…well, not college, but THE University of Texas at Austin. I’ll admit it. I am a school snob. I went to a great school and got into their prestigious broadcast journalism program (only 12 make it per semester), so I am a school snob. Sue me. I am PROUD! If you’ve ever been there, the campus is HUGE, so I did NOT gain weight my freshman year. Nor my sophomore year. I did gain about 6 pounds in my junior/senior year (I was a 3 year grad). Not too shabby- 6 pounds in 3 years. The summer after I graduated I gained an additional TWENTY pounds (when I moved to Beeville to be with my hubby/then fiance). And then another TEN.

Good grief, I became a fatty. Again. What. The. Hell. Why, oh why, did I let this happen?

Comfort. Convenience. Laziness.

Then I lost the TEN pounds. So, that put me at a +26 pound gain. And I stayed that way, for oh, 2 years? Sinful. Gross. I know. Whatever you’re thinking, I have thought worse, trust me. Then I did the unthinkable.

I ordered my expensive, designer wedding gown 2 sizes too small. In DRESS sizes. Which is essentially, oh I don’t know, freakin’ insane. However, this forced me to lose weight. Again.

Not surprised? Yeah, neither was I. But I did lose it- I lost 20 pounds and FIT into my wedding gown. Putting me at JUST the 6 pound gain for the first time in 3 years. I was so happy. This moment I am speaking of was as recent as May 22nd, 2009.

Then I gained 5 pounds on the honeymoon (+11 overall), and then over the summer, I continued the honeymoon celebration via McDonald’s and too many cocktails and put on an additional 10 (+21).

Why do I do this to myself?

I think it’s because I give up. I finish a part of it, and then I am done. Done. I get comfortable and then 5 pounds creeps back on, then 10, then 15, and before you know it, I am close to where I started.

I am tired of that. So. unbelievably. tired. Exhausted. Frustrated. PISSED. I am DONE! I want to get to my goal weight/size for once and for all. It’s about time to start what I finished.

So, to totally gross you out, let’s look at some before/after pics.

Before Weight Watchers (sophomore year of high school, I think) at my heaviest weight ever (ewwww):

Here are some after my 40 pound loss my senior year:

And some more of after my 40-65ish pounds lost in January-May 2003 (I looked good!!):

 

And then some during college where I lost more weight (August 2003-May 2006) I was SMOKIN’ HOT! (Was being the key word):

 

 

Then here are some as I started becoming a total heifer again (August 2006-November 2009):

 

 

And then I lost weight for my May 2009 wedding:

 

And now I gained back some weight again, and this is what I look like today:

Yeah.

I am depressed. I want to get back down to being able to wear my red J. Lo brand corduroys like I am wearing in one of the above pictures. I want to wear sleeveless tops. I want to feel confident. I want to feel healthy. I want to get this over with.

I want to FINISH what I have started and restarted for the past SEVEN years. Enough is enough. Seriously.

So, my goal, is to be a size 8. That’s all I want.

I started in 2002 as a 20W got down to a 10/12. Got back up to a 14, then 16, then 18. Got back down to 14. And now I am at a 14/16.

I can do this.

What have you been putting off doing that you know has to be done for once and for all? It doesn’t have to be health related, but what better time than NOW to get stuff finished?

For those curious, I will be using Turbo Jam & Weight Watchers to achieve my goals. More on that in my upcoming posts.