I’ve Hit A Wall {Weight Loss}

{Image Credit: Live on Purpose}

I’ve hit a wall. I’ve hit it so hard that it’s just knocked me out. I’m on the floor, gazing up, out of breath, exhausted and can’t get up.

I’ve hit a wall.

I can’t get up. Or maybe it’s not so much that I can’t get up, it’s that I don’t want to. I try to be inspiring, motivating and friendly on Twitter and on this blog, but I gotta keep it real y’all. I am human. I am not perfect. I don’t have this all figured out. Today is 77 of the 100 days challenge (being active for at least 30 minutes a day- INTENTIONALLY). I’m proud to say I’ve completed 76 days. Some days have been stretching workouts or leisurely walks or sanding the hell out of some cabinets, but I have been intentionally active everyday since December 29th. Technically, it’s day 80 for me, but I’ve only been counting “officially” since January 1st.

I don’t even CARE about finishing anymore. That necklace I am working so hard for can kiss my ass. The thought of 23 more days ahead of me (plus TODAY since I haven’t worked out yet) just makes me want to crawl into the fetal position and rock back and forth. Or eat some cake. And maybe have a tequila shot.

And that’s just to finish this challenge. I still have the overall challenge of wanting to be a skinny bitch. I have a shit-ton more days then, pardon my french.

ohmygawd.

I don’t know if I can do this. Well, that’s a lie. A big, fat lie. I KNOW I can do this. I WANT to do this. I am just really burnt out. Tired. FED UP. And hey, 80 days is good, right? And I have all these people on Twitter who are like, “You can do this!” and while that’s all lovely and quite nice, I feel like screaming, “Yeah, when was the last time YOU worked out for 80 days straight and didn’t want a break?!” But really, I love it when people encourage me, so excuse my snark today, please.

I’m a lunatic. Really I am. If you saw what went down earlier at my house you’d agree with me. I became the absolute meanest person in the world to the person I love the most…my husband. It’s almost like I don’t deserve him. I was so mean. It’s partially because I am going nutso over the dining room makeover (the cabinets, oh the cabinets…more on that tomorrow) and partially because I am just so tired of counting every crumb of food I eat. Weighing every glass of wine. Fretting over every thing I so much as smell because I don’t want to gain weight back.

And yet this week, I have. I’m up almost 3 pounds as of this morning even though I haven’t eaten much this week. See? Stress can add weight even if you don’t stress eat. I am so talented that I can GAIN weight, 10500 calories worth, without even eating them.

I am a professional at being able to be fat. Like a super pro.

I say all this knowing fully that I haven’t binged eaten nor skipped any workouts. I guess I’m just saying I wish I could take a break without being judged. Not that I’d go binge eating for a week, but I know I’d get comments on how I was “so close” to finishing the 100 days and aren’t I disappointed? Maybe I would be. Maybe I’d be happy to just rest.

Or maybe, just maybe… I’ve hit a wall.