Monica Wants It: Baby on the brain.

Children scare me.

There, I said it.

I love babies and though their farts/poo stench could kill a person and their drool could drown someone, I generally think they are the cutest little things. And I have a love for baby hands- they are so tiny and cute. I love when my nephew Andrew grips onto my finger oh-so-tight. Love. Baby rabies. RABIES.

Toddlers…I would say I like those about 80% of the time. I don’t like them so much when they throw sippy cups or throw tantrums in front of the clearance section at Target. SHUT UP AND MOVE OUTTA THE WAY OF MY CLEARANCE!! Now, please, k, thanks.

Children ages 4-10…I like this age group 70% of the time. Sometimes they’re so cute and fun; other times I wonder why they haven’t been put up on Craigslist yet. Is that legal? Probably not. Don’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind, parents!

Tweens <gulp> This is an age I always imagined would be fun if you had a daughter. She’d be into makeup, want to go shopping, you can have lunch/movie dates on weekends while dad stays at home in stretchy pants drinking beer. Perfection. Now, I see my little sister-in-law’s (ages 8-12) and I am like thinking OHMYGODTHEYAREMONSTERS as I runaway. So, I’m gonna guesstimate a 50% likeability factor of this age group depending on their mood.

Teens <takes a swig of tequila> They are not human. I am convinced they are NOT human. They all of a sudden hate their parents, hate life, might become emo, make stupid mistakes and generally make their parents age a whole decade in the span of 5 years (13-18 age). This age range scares the living daylights out of me, because no matter how much a parent wants to have influence over what their teen says, looks like, and does, teens generally will do their own thing. TV shows don’t help any. Without giving away anything, did anyone see what happens with Naomi’s daughter on Private Practice?

I WOULD BE LIVID.

Though I know all this, and I do think about this sort of crazy stuff, I am still having a case of the baby rabies. It’s mild one day and totally out of control the next day. But what I wonder is how a parent can look past all the crazy mistakes and misfortunes that happen when you have a child. That unconditional love that a parent has for their child- what if I don’t have that love towards my child? I know people say it’s different once you have a child, but I am always afraid I am going to land my child in therapy or that I am going to have too high expectations for my child and end up constantly disappointed by them. What if I don’t get out of my selfish stage (this blog is about things I want)? What if my kid doesn’t love me? What if I have a BOY? A BOY! As in, NOT A GIRL. What if they’re not smart or bright? What if they are not cute?

Again, I know that it will probably be different once I have a baby and their tiny little hands grip tightly to my mommy finger, but I am just so scared.

These are all things that cross my mind, and no, I am most definitely not pregnant right now. Nor will I be anytime soon. I know I’ve got to lose these 50ish pounds before it would even be an option, and I want to live in a house, so probably 2013 is when we will try. I know I could get pregnant right now, but I don’t think it’d be healthy. I know it wouldn’t be. I want people to be able to tell I am pregnant. I don’t want to be at this weight and add baby weight on top of it. NO THANKS! I want to be a cute, healthy pregnant gal. Keyword being healthy.

Lately, whenever I want something bad to eat or am thinking about that greasy cheeseburger, I try to think of my beautiful little baby girl (yes, girl, I want a girl) and how much I want to be healthy for her, and the thought goes away. I think that has been the true reason I have been able to stick to points the past 2 weeks.

But, the point of this post is really that I have a nursery all planned out in my head. If you’ve known me (whether it be in real life, Twitter, or this blog) you probably will NOT be surprised by my choices. Those of you that don’t have children- do you have a nursery all planned out in your head? Those of you with kiddos- what is your favorite part of being a mom?

And for the record, that is a BOY in the damask carseat.

Just sayin’.