No, not really- my blog is not being made into a movie. But I wanted to share this hilarious bit of information with you.

We’re leaving Bealls last night (which is an overpriced, mostly old ladyish, kinda store for those of you who have no clue what Bealls is), and I check my iPhone (I do this obsessively. MUST. NOT. MISS. ANYTHING.) and I saw the comment that Anon left on my blog:

Anonymous said:

You're the same person inside, no matter how big or small the outside package is.

Don't let your size [or others who don't know you] define you.

I once had some dudes in a bar call me a dyke- apparently because of my very short [becoming] hair cut? As if that should have been an insult of some kind? And I should care what they think why?

Who knows, and more importantly, who cares?

I was reading it out loud to Daniel, and he was saying what a good comment that was and that my blog should be made into a movie. And here we go:

Me: No way! It’d be boring, and the producers would ask, “Is this a dramedy? Dramedies tend to not do well at the box office…” Plus, who would play me?

Daniel: Jordin Sparks.

Me: <insert laughter>

• And I will step away from the story to say that I get the Jordin Sparks thing a lot. An insane amount. Jordin was the opening act for Britney Spears in Houston, and I went (along with a friend who is a member of Britney Lovers Anonymous/BLA and shall remain nameless…Naomi) to the concert. Well, I had some time to kill, so I went to the Galleria in Houston. Oh my gosh, I got asked if I was Jordin Sparks more than a few times.
• Um, no I am not, but thanks. Seriously she’s gorgeous! And it was even worse when she won American Idol in 2007! I happened to be at a Kathy Griffin comedy show in San Antonio, and I also got the Jordin Sparks thing a lot.
• I don’t think I look like her. Not even a little bit. But I’ll take it!

And if I did look like her, maybe this would have happened:

You know, like this…looks so natural to be sitting with Britney. I would love to meet her one day. Even if I am 50.

Britney, if you’re reading this, please leave a comment on my blog with your e-mail. xoxo.

Me: Who would play you Daniel?

Daniel: Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Me: <insert hysterical laughter>

Daniel: Glad you think it’s funny.

Me: <still laughing hysterically and can’t say a word>

Daniel: Alrighty.

Me: This is so going on the blog!

Daniel: I’m sure your readers will see how much I look like him.

Me: Right.

Then we go to Wal-Mart for a bit, and we come home. I see he’s on his laptop, so I told him to find a picture of Jonathan Rhys Meyers that looks like him. He said no problem. And here it is folks:

You can totally see it, can’t you? Please don’t all make a mad dash for my hubby at once- form a single file line, puh-lease.

My hubby has like the biggest man crush on Jonathan Rhys Meyers. HUGE! Like, if Jonathan Rhys Meyers and I had to be killed, and Daniel would only get to save one of us, he’d probably save Jonathan’s lips and I’d be toast. Really.

We shouldn’t have ever watched that damn August Rush movie.

If you had to have a movie made about your life, who would play you?

I just can’t think of a Britney Spears lyric or song that sums up what happened to me today.

This post is not going to be particularly cheery or uplifting, so if you’re looking for that read about my day 1 or my day 2 of C25K training.

I was really excited to do my 3rd day of training today. I got up, felt well rested, and I was genuinely excited to do this today. I got dressed, drove to the track, and started on my workout.

During the 5 minute warm-up, I felt good. It is a nice day, not too hot. I’m cool.

The first run comes up, and off I go. I am about 30 seconds into it when I need to pass up some guys who are strolling and taking up the whole track. They finally let me pass through and I hear the guy call me a “chunky girl”.

Assholes. They were fat men. I’d rather be chunky than straight up fat like they were.

Losers.

But I kept going, and finally it was time to walk. I walked and I was really hurting. Usually I am not hurting this much until the 6th+ run, and I had just finished run #1. I had 8 more to go! There’s 9 runs, not 8 like I previously said.

And run #2 is upon me, and it starts raining. But I am still cool, I am alright. I know that rainshowers here are brief. I also thanked myself for not bothering to straighten my hair, because that would have been a waste of time.

Then I walk. Slowly. Oh-so-very-slowly. I am in a serious amount of pain. Run #3 is about to start and I don’t start running. Instead I fiddle with my iPhone to pause my workout. I pause it, and I walk off the track to try to do some stretches, and I walk.

Finally, I try giving run #3 my best shot, and I make it through. And I walk again.

Then I start crying. Run #4 comes up, and I just decide to not continue since I am already back at the starting point and by my car.

Once I get in my car, I just start sobbing. I don’t know why. Part of it is that I was/am in a terrible amount of pain. I can’t even bend over or squat down without having Daniel just pick up whatever it is I need. Another part is that yesterday I ate too much, and when I weighed myself this morning I was up 0.6. It’s devastating to be the fat girl all the time. Some people can say they’ve been skinny and then gained weight; I cannot say that. I’ve never, ever been at a healthy weight. And I’m always the fat friend/3rd wheel that you keep around to complete the circle of friends.

And today I truly feel like I am doomed to be this way. I know I obviously got myself to this point. I know I was, in fact, 20 lbs. lighter than I am now just 7 short months ago. I know today I have been married exactly 7 months, and that my poor husband endures more than any guy probably should ever have to of my craziness. My issues with my weight really effect every single part of my life. It keeps me from wanting to see friends, keeps me from wanting to go out, keeps me from wanting to go to work since my pants are too tight and I refuse to go up a size- again, and it keeps me from being confident and happy. Yet, when I try to do something about it, I feel like I never succeed in the long run. I may have 1 great week on Weight Watchers or Turbo Jam, and then I just stop. Give up. I don’t know why. I think it’s because I am unhappy here. Lonely, even. I just have Daniel and Pee Wee. No friends, no social life. Which might explain the insane amount of hours I am on the computer- it’s like you all are my friends.

This post has gotten really heavy, I do apologize for that, but I know that many people do e-mail after these posts saying they can totally relate and so I just keep putting it out there. I even got one e-mail asking if I like weighed 400 pounds or something since I make myself out to be a whale. No, I do not weigh 400 pounds- my weight actually does begin with a 1, but your e-mail did make me giggle.

I don’t know if I gave up today, but I know I couldn’t finish. I know working out is difficult (especially this whole running thing), and it’s definitely mind over matter, but bottom line- I am in pain. Like literally. I don’t know if I am still really sore and need to chill out a bit or if I screwed something up, but I just couldn’t do day 3 today. My week 2 starts on Saturday which gives me tomorrow and Friday to get my head back in the game.

And I want to end this post with a tribute to 2 people who mean the world to me. Tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of my granny’s passing, and on Friday will be 9 years that my daddy has been gone. Yes, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day- you read that right- the holidays are rough for me. I love you both dearly.

-Mon

 

And one of the very few pictures I have with my dad- this is my fave:

So, yes, I have decided to title each and every single one of my 36** C25K posts using a Britney Spears lyric from my workout that helped me get through the workout.

Guess what song the title lyric is from? Come on, it’s easy. It’s the one where she’s a stripper.

On second thought, that’s a lot of videos, so maybe this isn’t that easy.

Gimme More

My first run was on Saturday, and on Sunday I took a leisurely 3-mile walk with my 2 boys. It was a GORGEOUS day. Oh my gosh, I cannot even describe how beautiful it was on Sunday. The day was so beautiful that it made you realize how wonderful it is to be alive at that very moment in that very place. Since it was “just” a walk, I was able to snap a few pics.

This is Daniel and Pee Wee WAAAAY ahead of me. Pee Wee apparently thought it was a “run” day and I was like, “No way Jose."

But then I got nervous and jogged to catch up to them:

And of course when I caught up, Pee Wee decided to run again. Total distance on Sunday=3 miles. It was so relaxing.

Monday morning I woke up, kinda lounged around a bit, and then decided the show must go on. Day 2 must be done TODAY. I was so sore. It even hurt to pee. TMI moment coming up- everytime I went to tinkle (trying to be dainty here, I am tryin’) I had to put one hand on the sink counter and the other on the edge of the tub to brace myself. Literally. I then inhaled, prayed to Jesus, and grimaced in pain as my ass hit the seat.

It hurt to sit. It hurt to walk. It hurt to be alive.

But, I persevered.

I did week 1, day 2 yesterday (Monday), and I felt so incredibly amazing after it was all over. I seriously did. I think I was pleased with myself because I did a smidge better than I had done on Saturday. On day 1, I only did 6.5 of the 8 runs that make-up the week 1 workout, and I am proud (almost conceitedly proud) to say that I did all 8 runs on Monday. ALL OF THEM. E-I-G-H-T.

How did I get through the 8, one-minute runs? I channeled my inner Jillian Michaels.

She is a total bad ass. A mean one. I pictured her yelling at me that I was going to be a fat ass unless I ran for ONE-minute. Just 60 seconds, Monica! Don’t phone it in! (Those of you who have done the 30 day shred should def understand that last reference).

Logically, you can do anything for one-minute, right? It’s JUST a minute.

Basically, I repeated that over and over every time I had to run.

And it worked. The last run I was really hurting, and luckily Britney’s stripper song came on, and I thought to myself, “I should go the extra mile…okay, minute, for my readers.”

Therefore, I should thank all of you lovely readers, tweeters, etc. who motivate me on my journey.

And speaking of tweeters, I want to give a shoutout to those who are joining me on my journey by doing some form of C25K/marathon training. Show them some love!

Naomi, Rosa, Meagan, Stacy, and Kristin

If I left you out, please let me know so I can add ya!

Leaving the track I felt exhilarated, tired, and happy. That is until I saw this:

A SNAKE.

Not one as big as that one above, but holy moses, I saw a SNAKE!

I’ll say that now I know how fast I can run because I lept over the snake and sprinted to my car. SPRINTED. I’d like put this guy to shame:

Those who say exercise is dangerous probably had no idea that you need to warn others about snakes. Daniel/hubby asked what color it was, and all I remember was it was yellow and red and not of the “garden snake” variety.

And this proves that I need to move to a city. Soon.

Things I learned during week 1, day 2 of training:

1.) You can do anything for 1-minute

2.) Snakes are scary

3.) I am really happy I bought my Coach sunglasses

4.) Do not take your iPhone out of your pocket using the headphone cord. Your iPhone will, in fact, fall to the ground.

5.) Running without makeup on really does make sense

On Wednesday, I will be moving onto week 1, day 3. See Mon Run.

**Each week consists of 3 training days, but I am adding in a 4th day to get in more activity and build up my strength and shorten my time. Instead of 27 workouts, I will be doing 36. (4x a week for 9 weeks)

Action sets that is…

I don’t know how I’ve been living without using action sets for Photoshop CS4/Photoshop Elements, but apparently I have been living under a rock.

I’ve also been living in my pajamas all day long. Yes, all day. The most I managed to do was put on a bra while taking PeeWee out so I don’t scare my neighbor’s children.

I really need to stay home more often.

Lookee what I did in like 30 seconds:

Before:

After:

 

You can download free Photoshop/PSE action sets at the following 2 links for FREE!

http://coffeeteaphotography.blogspot.com/2005/12/actions-by-theme.html

http://www.texaschicksblogsandpics.com/free-actions-for-photoshop-elements/

I am in love.

Will be back later with Day 2 of my C25K training.

There’s Britney after our workout. You can’t see me in the picture because I hid from all that paparazzi. My life is so hard.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn’t think of just ONE title for this post, so here are the other ones I thought of:

Leslie Sansone is full of shit. (more on this later)

I almost died during a 31 minute workout. (enough said)

Screw this. (a smidge negative, eh?)

I did it! Week 1, Day 1 (Woohoo! BSUMA!)

And out of all of the ones in my head, I chose I ran with Britney Spears.

Technically, I did…kindaish, not really, but it’s catchy and I am not changing the title, and I hope for some crazy reason it ends up bringing more people to my blog.

What the hell am I talking about?

I am talking about week 1, day of my C25K workout (Couch to 5K). It’s a 9-week program that basically takes you from the couch (or in my case, my comfy office chair) to a 5K in 9 weeks.

I know I have a couple of friends that are joining me on my mission to run a half-marathon on November 14th, 2010 in San Antonio, TX. If you’re not in SA, you can still train with me and keep up with my tweets. I’ll be posting a blog post after every workout.

You can view the C25K training schedule at www.c25k.com and I downloaded the app from the iTunes store for my iPhone for $2.99. It was the best $2.99 I have spent lately.

Disclaimer: the above links/apps are based on my personal experience and I did not get paid to put them on my blog. :-)

Jill from Baby Rabies recently had a post about her second marathon and she basically broke up the 26.2 mile race into stages. Stages of labor to be exact, and I thought it was a really good post, and I found it motivating.

And I went through the exact same stages in the 26ish minutes of my workout. 26 minutes, 26.2 miles- yeah, they don’t really compare, but whatever.

I started my workout and Britney Spears’ “Toy Soldier” was the first song. I LOVE THIS SONG! Would have made a great single and she could have worn all sorts of cute military outfits while dancing with buff cute guys.

But back to my point… So, I am walking, still looking cute, bangs still in place, no shiny forehead. It’s the warm-up, and I am feeling STRONG. I can do this. Hell, I may even look like Britney Spears by the end of this workout if you squint really hard and are legally blind.

Then starts the first 60 second run- I do okay, nothing too bad. I am feeling good, and now Britney’s song “3” is on.

Got 180 degrees and I’m caught in-between.

ANYWAY.

Then the second run comes up, and the next song is “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. I am trying to think of happy thoughts when I was in NYC about a month ago. Happy thoughts, Happy thoughts. Ow, this hurts.

And the third and fourth runs are to “Party in the USA” and “Beat It” by Miley Cyrus and Michael Jackson, respectively. I built quite the eclectic playlist, I know.

I. AM. HURTING. LIKE A _______ <---- insert curse word of any sort there.

My left calf is like, “WTF are you doing?” and my right knee is like, “STFU I hurt WAY more than you do lefty!” and my brain is saying, “MAKE IT WORK!” Tim Gunn style because he totally WOULD say that and then make fun of my velour pants and fleece jacket look. A hot mess.

And finally I lost count of how many times I had ran, and I do remember my iPhone app saying I was over halfway done, so I just focused. And my bangs were more like curly antennas from Frizz-Hell and my forehead was most likely shiny, and I knew I did NOT look cute anymore. I also knew I shouldn’t wear dangly earrings next time because when I ran I sounded like those annoying cats who wear bells.

It’s nearing the end, and I am just exhausted- mentally and physically. I, for a split moment, decided to say screw this. But I know and I KNEW that going into this sort of thing was going to be hard. Painful. Tiring. Odd. But overall, I knew it was going to be rewarding.

I will admit that the last 1.5 runs I just couldn’t. I walked/hobbled through those spurts, but I am proud to say I completed week 1, day 1 of the C25K workout.

And I am also wanting to say that Leslie Sansone is full of shit. I am a HUGE fan of her Walk Away the Pounds workouts (which are uber cheap on www.amazon.com) and I do her 5-mile one and it’s easy peasy. In about an hour, I have “power walked” my way through 5-miles according to her, with minimal sweat and minimal pain all while tweeting and sipping a margarita.

Running/walking outside is a WHOLE different story, and I think her workouts are good, but they’re nowhere near the type of workout you’d get if you did it outside. Soooo, I am not saying do not use her workouts, but do know that if you can do her 5-mile walk doesn’t mean you will be able to do so outside.

Things I learned today:

-Do not wear dangly earrings while running

-It’s impossible to look cute when exercising

-Take sunglasses next time so you won’t be the fool squinting

-Stretch more

-Be positive

-Keep going

Tomorrow is supposed to be a non-running day, so I am going to do a moderate 3-mile walk tomorrow just to keep the legs moving and prevent soreness.